Eglish language jokes

At the airport:
– Name?
– Abdul al-Rhazib.
– Sex?
– Three to five times a week.

– No, no…I mean male or female?
– Male, female, sometimes camel.
– Holy cow!
– Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.

– But isn’t that hostile?
– Horse style, doggy style, any style!
– Oh dear!
– No, no! Deer run too fast…

Looking for a Job.
Three men, an Italian, a French and a Ecuadorian went for a job interview in England.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with
three main words: green, pink, and yellow.

The Italian was first one: -‘I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and
I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day.’

The French was next: -‘I wake up in the morning, eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the
evening I watch the pink panther on tv.’

Last was the Ecuadorian: -‘I wake up in the morning. I hear the phone ‘green…… green…..
‘I ‘pink’ up the phone and I say yellow’?????’

Of course, he got the job!

English-Spanish phrases

Between no more

Entre no más

A brown, please
Un café, por favor

Don’t be little bad see
No sea malito vea

Which boss you said
Cual vos pues

I’m dying of hungry
Me estoy muriendo de hambre

Who does the best
Judas es una bestia

Can you say me the little hour?
¿Puede decirme la horita?

For pleasure you make me afraid
Por gusto me haces asustar

Count me another horn
Cuentame otro cacho

Do you speake my tongue?
¿Habla mi lengua?

Pay attention and sign
Atención, ¡firmes!

Drink for get in
Toma por metiche

I die, neighbor, street
Me muero vecina, calle

Kids are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: ‘ K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, it’s the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Spanish Snippets

There’s always something to learn or to try, many times you need to say some phrase in Spanish, but you don’t know how to say it,don’t worry, your problems have finished, if your are a gringo and you don’t know how to speak Spanish, the Smart Gringo will be helpful in your learning.

For instance, we took some common phrases, just try it and you’re gonna see the difference and how easy is to speak Spanish. 

T.N.S L P.P. B.N. T.S.O. = Tienes el pipí bien tieso = you have an erection.
Boy as n r = Voy a cenar = I’m gonna have a dinner
N L C John = en el sillon = on the armchair
Be a hope and son = viejo panzon = fat old man
Who and see to seek ago = Juancito se cagó = Little John is a chicken things.
S toy tree stone = estoy triston = I’m kind a sad.
Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rags
Desk can saw = descanso = (you) rest.
As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando stop bugging me.
See eye = si hay = yes we have
T n s free o ? = tienes frio = are you cold?
Tell o boy ah in cruise tar = Te lo voy a incrustar = I’m going to insert it in you

1 Comment

  1. Muy bueno. I die… street!!!


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